A domestic argument in Clarkdale escalated into a hostage situation over the course of Wednesday, July 29. Clarkdale police responded to a report of shots fired in the Centerville neighborhood near...
- Written by Rachel Star of Sedona
- Published: December 13th, 2012
No man is an island, they say, and I’d have to agree. As in most things, balance is a good way to deal and feel. On one hand it’s important to have a strong sense of self, having healthy boundaries based on what is comfortable to you. Some people have few boundaries and may find others sleeping on their sofa, eating their food, forgetting to lock the door, bringing their friends over without asking, for cigarettes, wine and who knows what, staining your furniture and carpet.
Yet on the other extreme some people rarely have people over to their home, or go out to socialize. They may be stuck to their computer and/or television screen. Their relationships are not intimate, but fantasy as if they know a person through typed words. We may deem them a hermit. Even if they have a job, they may be in the cubicle in the back corner, or give a weak shy smile hello as they pass people in the hall.
Without being extreme, which side are you on? Do you lean to sometimes being taken advantage of or feel horror at being alone, at least requiring constant phone or text connection? Or on the other hand, do you feel it is time to take a baby step toward having social communication in person and find people that are easy to be with that you can learn to trust and share conversation with?
Which kind of person do you believe is most out of touch with who they are? Our first goal is to know thyself. Honor thyself. Ask yourself some questions? What is my favorite color, favorite food, favorite sport or hobby; and what are my beliefs about my past? If the last question raises guilt, shame or sadness, let’s start there, putting it in the past, and not allowing it to define who you are now and in the next moment/s/future. Our current actions will build a new past to recollect. What will that be?
Let’s not compare ourselves to others, but to our self. How am I doing Today compared to yesterday? Forgive yourself and others’ weaknesses and mistakes. Understand it’s the guilts, shames and sadnesses that elicit actions and responses which aren’t healthy, so realizing that now, we can know better and do better, including forgiveness right now. Our job is to heal our self whether or not someone else is healed. Recognize if there is a connection to those judgment thoughts with how you set your boundaries, or have none.
My thoughts and actions are my own; I own them. They either make us sick or make us well. We can enjoy life and ourselves without defining enjoyment based on others. That can open us up to enjoying our own company, not needing to take in anyone without having defined the type of character traits you require in your company. That can also open us up to getting out of our solitary comfort zone, and trust, little by little, that getting to know people whose traits seem to be pleasant, will be comfortable to experience first acquaintance.
Make an affirmation or mantra, like: I approve of myself and allow good people into my life. I love and respect myself right now, and am willing to share life with people of similar positive feelings. Watch and see, because positive self thoughts and outward words are creative. Negative thoughts will come along, but you don’t have to invite them for dinner and conversation any longer. Replace the thoughts with your positive self talk and watch your person to person experiences blossom in a comfortable way.
Happy holy days.
Love from Rachel Star of Sedona
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