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Did you grow up being told, ‘children are meant to be seen and not heard?’ Me too. Some children have built-in confidence, but I didn’t come with that automatic setting.  I was encouraged Not to have a ‘voice,’ in my home environment, and I complied.


Outside of home, I didn’t ruffle feathers, either. I wanted to be known as a ‘good’ girl. I believe old parenting paradigms kept many of us from, freely expressing our selves; innocent curiosities, brilliant thoughts or, feeling all of the love and praise our parents really felt for us…even generations before theirs.


There is a new form of parenting just emerged on the horizon. I refer to the new book by psychologist, Shefali Tsabary, Ph.D., author of The Conscious Parent. Children (including ourselves) are born having all inner knowing.


Parents whose eyes and ears open to the book’s truths, and practice these ways of raising their child also now realize, they are not seeking to fix, produce or create the perfect child, but to actually be aware of their own self, as children push their buttons, noticing where they, the parent, has to grow. This is why we call children to our lives. To raise our self. They are a mirror of our undeveloped self.


Is punishment just to save time and quickly end the issue, for the parent’s sake? There are gentler and quicker, more empowering ways.


Instead of punishment, to instead acknowledge to the child that they, themselves, know the best ways to behave, and empower them to notice, agree and act from their inner knowings, of what you converse about as the highest actions, in any particular situation that arises.


Did that established habit, in youth, of holding my tongue, and constantly being told that I must be taking my stupid pills again (and again and again), lead to my self-esteem and voice being stuffed away, replaced by believing I should ‘be ashamed of myself?’


That was me, before I put in years of research and practice, and found my own self-worth, which I must practice keeping. And found my voice. Not without work. Work on inner growth is called for, throughout all the days of our lives, until we pass to the next journey.


And what about those with an innate confidence in themselves who yelled back at their parents, or would throw a chair against a wall, in frustration and anger? It, too, likely took years of work to shape anger into more peaceful ways of handling things, not to mention letting go of controlling others with the need to always be right.


Yes, we all are ‘a piece of work,’ no matter the inner circuitry. The self work gives us pride in shaping our own selves. We’ll likely do it till we move on. Possibly in that life after life realm, as well.


I believe I took three distinct pathways out of my stifled voice and low self-esteem. I played piano and sang the words. It turned out I had an amazing depth, tone and emotion. Sometimes, my unleashed feelings through music and words, made me cry. It was healing.


My self-pride came from the singing voice that brought me praise whenever I sang. But it didn’t stop me from taking food on as my trusted, ever-loving friend that without fail, made me feel great, as the second pathway.


For others, a different ‘addiction’ was often a trusted friend, that we find out has a knife to our back, not only bringing a good feeling in our heart, but brings its own ‘stuff.’ Eventually that gets dealt with, successfully or not.


It’s all part of the journey, in truth, so not being hard on one’s self in the journey, takes practice, creates an energy that loves yourself more fully, and thereby draws positives into life.


Third, I sought out wisdoms to lead me out of inner emotional pain; what author Eckhard Tolle named the pain body, brought on from innocent childhood hurts.


Parenting is usually well-intended by those who raise a child, and there is no mandatory wisdom education required. When we know how much our parents really do or did Always love us, in truth, we mend much unintended hurt we took on.


Hear that kids? parents? Parents of parents? Parents of grandparents? Get your wisdom on and just love yourself, like you know how to, innately.


The wisdoms I immersed myself in for years, and still love to surround myself with, spoke clearly to my soul and set me on new pathways. I practiced them out of desperation, and decades ago it led to my constant inner joy of life, and much self love, in spite of the size of my body.


Eleven and a half years ago, a large part of the range of my singing voice began sounding like gravel and after researching what could be done about it, I surrendered that it was gone. ‘They’ could see nothing wrong to fix, i.e. bring it back.


I stopped singing, so I stopped listening to music for the most part. Singing to it was no longer raising my vibration (of joy). I still appreciated music, just no longer felt part of its expression.


But the wisdoms of my adult life’s continual spiritual learning and practice, allowed me to surrender in peace, knowing (what I call) God has higher reasons for everything. My love for life and self, continued growing, in spite of the loss of my singing voice, and music stayed behind a closed door.


Through the 11+ (eleven plus) years, maybe four (4) times a year I would remember to do my scales, do re mi fa so la ti do, to test my vocal range, and always confirmed my voice was still ‘gone.’


Very Recently I heard my notes differently and wondered if that would continue. It went sour again, but then sounded good another time. Eventually it was all so much better than all the years before, and co-incidentally right at that time, friends asked me to join them at karaoke.


If you would like to hear and see me sing, Dream a Little Dream, from last week, you can access it through my most recently filmed weekly show, The Sedona New Age Show, most easily from my website.


My dream came true. Yours can too, or something greater and more meaningful.  My voice cried in joy and gratitude, because of the miraculous gift I was given to sing again. Are you using your voice for only love, and empowerment, or complaint and emotional punishment of another?


There’s a divine reason and a divine time to everything under the sun. Surrender, to find precious what you have, right now. It’s all to raise you up.


Love from Rachel Star of Sedona

View Rachel’s TV Show, The Sedona New Age Show, from her website where you can also find her video classes for purchase, free astrology for the month, and more. Reach Rachel at 928-282-3444, 850-566-6698 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . LIKE her Facebook page, Rachel Star of Sedona. Each accurate positive, empowering, healing Reading consultation is insightful with guiding spiritual inspiration via loving Tarot, Cards of Destiny, Astrology, Past Life insight and Numbers. Phone, Skype and local resident rates are discounted. Feel immediate physical and emotional relief with Reiki or Young Living medicine-grade essential oils.


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About our Blogger

rachel spiritInternationally-renowned Rachel Star of Sedona has been giving emotionally-healing Readings, revealing insights and instilling clarity of mind for best and highest path choices to clients for over 40 years. Heard daily and weekly on top-ten radio, featured on network television and in national magazines, she is sought by celebrities, political and spiritual influencers, and is the Readers’ Reader.

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