Barry Maketansky said he’d always believed in the old adage that it’s better to give than to receive. On Nov. 21 of this year he proved just that — and then some.
Maketansky, the community enterprise director for Verde Valley Sanctuary, donated a kidney to Armelia McQueen, a dear friend of his of 42 years.
Two years ago Maketansky visited McQueen in Los Angeles. At the time, McQueen was having a shunt put in her arm to start dialysis because her kidneys had failed.
“I had another friend who did not last long on dialysis so I said, ‘Armelia, if I offer a kidney, that will move you to the top of the list as far as what I know about donations, so let’s do this.’” Maketansky said.
At that time McQueen was a patient in Cedars Sinai Hospital. Maketansky said he was disappointed to how non-responsive the hospital was to his offer to donate a kidney. So, they embarked on a journey to find a hospital more accommodating. They were considering a facility in Pittsburgh when a mutual friend said they were familiar with the donor program at the Methodist Speciality and Transplant Hospital in San Antonio, Texas.
“Six weeks after starting things with them we found out we were a perfect match,” he said. “We then went through additional testing to make sure my kidneys were perfect and functioning well. I went through all kinds of physical lab work to determine which kidney would be best for transplant.”
McQueen went through myriad tests as well. In all, it took about three months from the day he was determined to be a match to when they were wheeled into surgery.
“They asked me if for some reason I was not a match for Armelia if I would be willing to still donate a kidney and that they would still try and find one for her,” he said. “I told them I would, especially after experiencing what it was like to sit in a waiting room and multiple times seeing the heartbreak on the faces of people when finding out they weren’t a match.”
Once he decided to go through with the surgery, Maketansky said he talked it over at length with his long-time partner, Jim, as well as with his sisters, friends and his 94-year-old mother. His mother said she was incredibly proud of him for making that decision.
“When I met the transplant team I had 100% confidence,” Maketansky said. “I entered into this with no anxiety or fear. I really felt well taken care of and understood everything, including the risks. But I had spoken to many donors who said it had not changed their lives from a physical standpoint. That’s been my experience. I don’t know I have just one kidney.”
For the next two years, Maketansky’s health will be monitored including lab work and other testing. McQueen will also be monitored and will be on anti-rejection medications for the rest of her life.
“The adage ‘it’s better to give than to receive’ has never meant more to me than this experience, although Armelia would probably declare it’s better to receive in this circumstance,” he said, laughing. “Like I said, the changes in my life after this have been minimal but the changes in Armelia’s life are phenomenal.”
McQueen hopes to get back to work soon. She has been a stage, TV and film actress for more than 30 years. She was in the cast of the Broadway play “Ain’t Misbehavin’,” which won the Tony Award. She also appeared in the movie “Ghost.” In television she starred in “Adventures in Wonderland” and made guest appearances on “L.A. Law,” “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” and “JAG.”
“For the last two years she couldn’t work because she was on dialysis three days a week for six hours a day,” he said. “So she’s really looking forward to getting back to work.”
On the day of the five-hour surgery, the two friends were side by side prior and were emotional — but no fear or anxiety on Maketansky’s part because he was so happy to be doing this for her.
“You don’t get to change somebody’s life very often,” Maketansky said, adding that they now encourage others to be living kidney donors. “It’s always been my goal to leave this world a better place than I found it. That’s why I’m so dedicated to the nonprofit community and the things I do. She never asked me for a kidney. I feel if the situation were reversed, I wouldn’t have had to ask her either.”
It’s been five weeks since the surgery and so far things are right on track for not only Maketansky but especially for McQueen.
“I’m doing really well, but I’ve been here for six weeks and I’m ready to go home,” she said in a phone interview on Christmas Eve. “I don’t have all my energy back just yet but the doctors are very pleased with the progress I’ve made. But my kidney is working well so that’s all I can ask for.”
McQueen recalled the August conference call with Maketansky and doctors to inform them whether or not they were a match for transplant.
“We had just gotten on the phone and the doctor sighed — at that point my heart fell because I knew it wasn’t good news,” she said. “Then she said she’s only seen it a few times where two people, who are not related, are such a perfect match. I knew deep down in my heart that we would be. We later called one another, screamed, cried and expressed how excited we were.”
McQueen said that over the last two years while on dialysis she never lost hope that a donor would be found. But she knew that some people were on a waiting list for seven to 10 years. That all changed when Maketansky stepped up to help.
“I was stunned and extremely happy because he was saving my life,” she said. “For him to give me a kidney, well, I loved him dearly before and I now love him even more. This all still feels like a dream. It’s definitely given me a different outlook on life, thanks to his generous gift of life.”
